I have been so slack...

So much for a drawing a day!!!
This week at work has brought a few challenges, so I haven't had the opportunity to draw during my lunch break - then by the time I get home I have been exhausted!!!!

Today I will make a real effort to get a new drawing done. On an instagram I follow, they are running a drawing competition where you must draw a skull, moth and flower. I think that has the potential to be an awesome zentangle!

So watch this space.... I should have something to post later today!!!!

Sunflower for a sunny day

It has taken me the better part of the day, but I have finished my sunflower picture! It was very fiddly work with all the small areas to colour, but at the same time it was very relaxing.

For this one I used a mixture of Derwent watercolours and Derwent inktense pencils. The watercolour had soft enough shades for the blue and pearl, where the inktense provided stong, vibrant colours for the flower.

This photo really does not do the colours of this piece justice, they really pop off the page.

Happily it has received the seal of approval from my love (I had to send her a picture of it before loading it online, I wanted her to be the first person to see it) since this picture was done for her.

Soon I will need to resume "housewife" duties and begin dinner (I am making the same dish I made on the night I proposed to her), but for now I am chilling on the lounge, my itty bitty kitten on my lap, listening to the latest releases from ministry of sound.

It can get quite lonely at home when my love is at work and my little girl isn't here...many times I wish I still had friends to hang out with, to chat to and play board games with. Right now though I am enjoying my own company, I am enjoying not having to talk. It is peaceful. 

It is funny how humans crave companionship, but also crave solitude. We are such complex, contradictory creatures. I am lonely, yet I enjoy being alone. I am tired, yet I do not want to "waste time" by sleeping, I want to go out and be active but I don't want to leave the house. And these contradictions are different for everyone...maybe this is why I prefer animals to humans, they offer no pretence, they are easier to understand!

So far. ..

A late one tonight.... It has been a hectic couple of days with work which meant I didn't get much time to draw yesterday, certainly no time on my break when I usually would. Today and tonight however I have made some progress with the patterns complete in the flower and a start on the background. Hooray for the weekend tomorrow so that I can complete this picture! Tomorrow will see me finish the background and add colour...I am very excited to share the finished product.

On a completely different topic, I had the strangest, most vivid dream last night... I was commissioned to make a rocky horror themed cake for an 18th birthday party that same night. So I sat at my dining room table and began crafting a layered cake with a sculpture of Frank'n'Furter on top. Suddenly I was surrounded by people I went to high school with. They were chatting and laughing and taking up so much space that I was having a hard time balancing my work without the cake being destroyed. Then all my high school mates left, bidding me farewell and the room was filled with strangers. One stranger pushed a button that caused my table to open up, revealing vast arrays of technology and scientific equipment. They then revealed themselves to be a terrorist organisation. I was shocked and unsure of what to do as I felt uncomfortable but knew I needed to complete the cake; that was when one of the women grabbed part of the cake and proceeded to eat it! I burst into tears, explaining that she couldn't have it, the cake was for an 18th birthday that night and I wouldn't possibly have time to do another. She didn't care, laughed at me and ate the whole thing as I cried in dismay.

Odd right?!

If you have any theories as to what it might mean I would love to hear them! I'm personally going to take it as a sign that it has been too long since I watched the Rocky Horror Picture Show and put it on tomorrow 😉

May the sun bloom in your heart

Last night my love requested that I make today's drawing of a sunflower. This is a request i could not deny as sunflowers are very special to her. Her Nana's favourite flowers were sunflowers - her house was full of them, on the wall paper, on mugs and crockery... you name it, it had a sunflower on it!
Her Nana was very special to her, I think she probably loved her nana more than anyone else, perhaps with the exception of her father. She even has a tattoo of a sunflower for her nana.
So when she asked me to draw one I knew that I needed to do something special.
Nana's middle name was Pearl, so I have tried to incorporate pearls into this design - a fusion of a sunflower and pearls and hearts for leaves. Something special just for her.
This is only the start of this design - as I have limited time in my work break to draw it may take me another couple of days to finish this one. I will be working in some zentangles and then colouring it. So far this is the outline with more to come tomorrow.

Somewhat disturbingly my hand started shaking whilst outlining the pearls - a shaky hand is the last thing an artist wants! I am putting it down to that fact I have not yet eaten today, but have had 3 cups of coffee... bit too much caffeine perhaps? (is there such a thing?!?! haha) Fingers crossed the shakes go away for tomorrow!

As for now, I had best get back into my work - those files wont load themselves (sadly!)

until tomorrow....

Have you ever seen a Frow?

Have you ever seen a frow hopping around a pond? Or gliding majestically on its lilly pad at sunset?
Have you ever milked a frow and then made butter by churning the fresh milk? Do you ever sit by a pond at dusk and hear the frow's  call to one another, their deep melodic moo's filling the air?

No?

Well I guess that isn't surprising considering Frows don't exist. If a cow and a frog met each other and fell in love, then their offspring might be called a frow... it might hop from lilly pad to lilly pad searching for more of its kind.

If a cow and a frog fell in love, this is how I imagine its little frow might look....

If you have been reading my blog, I would love to see some comments come my way :) Even suggestions for what I should draw next...comment below :)

Still life with skull

Very quick sketch with a felt tip pen. As you can probably tell I spent more time on the skull pen holder than my coffee cup - had to quickly finish it off as my lunch break is ending.
Since I made my last post about being back at work I felt it was only fitting to draw something from my office. I'm not usually one for still life - but i kinda enjoyed this little sketch, I may need to do more still life in the future.

Anyhoo... work beckons so I had best get back into it!

Office Life

It is moments like these that I wonder why I didn't do more while I was on holidays from work...why didn't I go more places? Why didn't I spend more time outside? Actually the answer to those things are easy... money (or lack there of) and heat lol! But still, sitting back at my desk in my office I can't help but feel I wasted my time off...
Luckily I have a cruise to look forward to in March, but until then I need to get back into work mode..oh wait... can you hear that?? That is my stress level rising haha!
I guess that is what part of my art challenge is about though, doing something that I enjoy to help reduce my stress levels. To take that time, no matter how short, to do something that i enjoy that relaxes me.
Stress release is something I desperately need in my life, those who know me know that I suffer severe depression and have a tendency to feel that everything that ever goes wrong is my fault. Most of the time I am ok, other times I have a meltdown (much like my last post on here). Stress, as you could imagine, only heightens things so it is important that I can find a way to avoid spiralling down into a pit I can't dig myself out of.
So today...what shall I draw? I have 30mins left on my lunch break so let's see what I can come up with.... It will be another b&w image, no coloured pencils with me at work.

Self portrait with a rope

If I wasn't so paralysed with fear at the though of death I probably would have ended my life a few times by now. I think maybe I'm too selfish to let go of the things I love, even though I think they would be better off without me.

I feel like I only ruin the lives of those around me. I'm nothing special, I do not add any joy or any value to their lives...all I do is ruin things. I don't mean to ruin things but I do.

I think of my love, I think of how happy she was when I met her and how unhappy she is now. She used to go out, she used to spend time with friends and listen to music around the house. She used to smile. She doesn't do my of that anymore. I have ruined her. I try to do things right, I try to make her happy but I don't succeed. I am a failure. I do everything wrong all the time.

I try to be a good mum but I don't spend enough time with my daughter. I don't think I'm a very good role model. She has more fun when she is with her father but I am too selfish to let her go and live with him.

I ruined his life as well. Wasted 11 years of his life. He could have been happy instead of being married to a closeted lesbian. 

I ruin everything I touch. 

No one would miss me if I was gone. My daughter would have her father, my love would easily find someone else, someone who is more fun, someone who is cleaner no not such a lazy slob. She could do so much better than me. I could be easily replaced at my job, I'm good at what I do but I'm a dime a dozen. I have no friends to miss me. 

I could be replaced in all areas of my life. I'm not special, I'm not unique, I'm not important. All I am is selfish. I'm too selfish to let go of the two people in this world that I love more than anything. They would be better without me but I would be nothing without them. I am too afraid to die and too selfish to let go of the people I love.

Maybe one day they will let go of me. Maybe one day they will get sick of being unhappy and will realise I am the reason for the unhappiness. Then maybe they will leave and be happy and I will be left with nothing. Maybe once I'm left with nothing the thought of death won't be so scary, maybe then it will seem a wonderful release from misery. But not yet, not while I still have something to hold onto.

Oh how I love them. I love them more than anything, why must I be such a burden? Why can't I be better than I am?

Carefree, if only for a day...

If money wasn't an issue, this is what I would love to do everyday. Enjoying nature, fresh air and live music. Feeling the warmth of the sun on me as I read and draw. Enjoying being alive. I don't think that features enough in my life...simply enjoying being alive.

Some days being alive seems like a chore. Work, responsibility, housework, food preparation, caring for pets and a child. Trying to make sure that all loose ends are tied up...is the house tidy enough? Have I got meat out to defrost for dinner? Will I get all work complete on my work project by the deadline? Have I filled the pets water today? Am I paying enough attention to my child? Am I paying enough attention to my partner? With only aprox 15waking hours in the day, and 10 of those hours spent at work, it doesn't allow much time to do everything else, much less find time to feel happy to be alive.

So today I am relaxing, today I am enjoying what it means to be alive. I have no agenda, no purpose, no stress. Wow, I can't remember the last time I had no stress....

The music I am enjoying at the moment is some live big band, jazzy folksy music. Trumpet and drums heavily feature. So I did the doodle below, I hope u enjoy it's fun nature.

Now I must reluctantly remove myself from this comfy bean bag chair in search of more shade before the harsh Australian sun burns me to a crisp!

Yoga in Hyde Park

Wow. If I could start every day the way I started today I would be a very happy person.
My love was called into work today, very disappointing since we haven't spent much time together these holidays; but I didn't want to make it a wasted day. The 2015 sydney festival started yesterday so I hitched a ride into the city with my love, dropped her off at work and then my day began.
There are few things that I can think of that are more relaxing than yoga, add to that fresh morning air,  a sun that has just risen and the shade of a gorgeous big old tree and you have my morning!  I know,  bliss right? !
From 7:15-8:15 am I enjoyed a free yoga class in Hyde Park as a part of the Sydney festival.  Below is a picture of what I saw when I opened my eyes after the guided meditation. Amazing.
I am now sitting in a cafe planning my next move. 
My thoughts are leading me towards the art gallery,  botanic gardens and more festival action.  I came armed with my sketch book to draw and a fully charged iPad to read my book.  Should be a good day! !!

Gypsy Rose

I started this drawing a while ago whilst watching ink master. The episode was on American traditional and there was a fantastic tatt of a gypsy.  So I did some research and began work on this picture.  I did more work on it yesterday and completed it today.
Mixed media,  derwent inktense pencils used wet and dry, and a black copic marker for the outline.
I would really like to get this tattooed on me. .. I like the idea of having it on my forearm. So many tatts I want, not enough money for any of them!
So I will add this to the list of 2 other tatts I wanna get and hope that I can get them done in the not too distant future ☺

Throw back

Well my little kitten is being very cute, sitting up on my chest with her face against my cheek while I watch Harry Potter; which is super cute but it means I can't start drawing yet!

So for the meantime I'm gonna post a bonus pic, a throw back to a drawing I did several months ago. For my birthday my love was so wonderful as to give me a full set of Derwent intense pencils. This was the first drawing I did with them, a pair of rainbow lorikeets. These are some of my loves favourite birds, she loves them with their bright colours. I was really quite proud of how this turned out, it is probably one of my favourite drawings.

Girl on a wall

Yesterday is such a blur, it didn't slow down after my lunch at the cafe and as a consequence I didn't get around to posting my drawing.

Just a very quick simple drawing yesterday as I didn't really have time for anything complex. So here is my girl on a wall. A bit of a throw-back to my love of roller derby with the striped knee high socks and booty shorts.

I will write more later... Right now I have a kitten in my face demanding attention!

Mm mm. ..mocha. ..

Is there anything as glorious as sitting down with an iced mocha?  Actually there are probably lots of things, but right now this mocha is like heaven to me. After a morning that has consisted of bathing 2 dogs and 3 (unwilling) cats, then wandering around Westfield shopping Centre searching for a passport photo booth (which incidentally took ages and then I discovered I didn't have the right chance for the machine) I am very excited to be sitting down with a frosty caffinated  beverage!

Have you ever sat back and just watched people?  I love to wonder what they are doing,  what they are thinking, if they even bothered to look in the mirror before leaving the house. ..seriously booty shorts belong on the roller derby track, not in the shops!

I'm sitting right across from the art and craft shop at the moment. ..tempting is not a strong enough word right now. ..tins of derwent pencils stare at me from the display window, calling out to me. .."buy me" they say,  "we will be so happy together. . ", "I want to feel your hand wrapped around me. .." .....Ok,  that last one was just weird,  creepy pencils. ..

I haven't decided what I will draw yet today. ..any suggestions?

Expecto Patronum!!!

What a boring lonely day! Sitting at home alone sorting out groceries and feeling generally lethargic. One bright point though is that I have managed to watch not one, but TWO Harry Potter movies so far 😀 the highlight of my day will come in around 2hrs when my love gets home from work 😍

In these remaining two hours though I will need to tidy the house, feed my myriad of pets and finish this blog post. That's plenty of time right?!?

On a side note, how freaking awesome is Helena Bonham Carter as Bellatrix Lestrange! Perfect casting choice!  I cannot imagine another person being able to carry off the role as well as she does. To their credit however, all the characters are cast fantastically. If you have not seen the Harry Potter movies or have not read the books because you are under the impression they are childish I STRONGLY suggest you check them out. The first two books/movies are a little on the childish side, but from then on it becomes quite an intense storyline...I never thought I would be a fan but I love them!

Anyhoo... My drawing for today. As mentioned yesterday, my drawing today was completing the cover of my new art diary. It is now complete and coloured. I chose to use blue, purple, pink, yellow and green to colour the patterns...blue and purple are my two favourite colours, and the others just fit nicely. 

I'm happy with the outcome. Very bright and the words stand out nicely being left white amongst the colourful zentangles. Tomorrow I will try and drag myself away from these tangles and do a drawing in a different style 😉

Choose your own adventure...

What a hectic day! Much of today was spent at the shops running errands. There was a highlight to this however...I stopped by the art shop for a little look around. There was an art diary with blank canvas board covers that I HAD to have! I mean, how could anyone in their right mind pass up the opportunity to design their own art book cover?!

The second I stepped out of the art shop with my purchase, the race was on to finish my chores so that I could sit down and begin my cover!

Finally around 3:30pm I was able to plonk my bum on the couch and start on my cover. Given my new, sudden obsession for zentangle's it is no surprise that my cover design is exactly that! I will have the title of this blog on the cover and all the negative space around it will be covered with zentangle's. This one will be coloured. 

Incidentally, today I was looking at marked down calendars (I never buy them before 1st January...here we are only 3 days I to the year and they were marked down by 40%!), and there was a zentangle calendar! I came very, very close to buying it but eventually settled on a calendar of cute kittens swearing.

But anyway, I spent a few hrs on my book cover this arvo and only got half way through designing it; so this will carry over two days for my drawing a day. Here is what I have done so far...thanks for reading and check back tomorrow for the next progress shot

Dragonfly

My second drawing for today is a bit of a cheat. ..I did this drawing 2 days ago.  Today I finished the frog and began making this blog.
I love dragonflies. I love their bright colors and delicate wings.
While walking with my daughter I saw several dragonflies buzzing about and just felt that I needed to draw one. Recently my gorgeous wife-to-be bought me a full set of derwent inktense pencils. They are amazing! !! So I used an array of these beautiful pencils and black ink to create my dragonfly.

The journey begins here...I

Everyone has that special something that makes them happy. For some people it is music, some it is going for a long run early in the morning...me? My happy place is when I have blank paper in front of me and a drawing instrument in my hand. 

When I was young everything revolved around art. Drawing and painting were my favourite pass times and I can still remember the excitement I felt when I received my first tin of Derwent artist pencils when I was eight (and I still have them 23 years later!). Throughout school I excelled in my art classes, consistently coming first and I then moved onto being accepted into the Sydney College of Arts, (SCA) one of only 100 accepted out of 800 applicants. Not bad hey?

I did not complete my fine arts degree, the lure of full time work and money was too strong to resist for the sake of a degree I couldn't easily find work with. For the 2 years I was there however, I loved it. Day after day of art! Walking the beautiful grounds at Rozelle, a campus that was formerly a psychiatric institution, taking in the old sandstone buildings, sitting under large aged trees... The focus of my days were to find inspiration for works and to journal them. When I wasn't creating art I was in the workshop  using the power saws and nail guns to build my own canvases. I look back on my time there fondly, it was such a creative time in my life.

So what happened? In a word, life. Full time work and eventually motherhood restricted any free time that I had. I couldn't spend hours drawing or painting, or when I could I simply felt too tired to do so.

In these past 10 years since I left SCA I have often tried to rejuvenate my passion but it has not lasted long.

Well enough is enough! In this blog I will attempt to do a drawing a day for this whole year. (May be difficult whilst on my cruise but I will see what I can do 😉)

My first drawing for 2015 is in a style I have just discovered (and have quickly fallen in love with) called zentangles. I cannot get enough of the intricate, mesmerising designs!

So here is my zentangle frog (as requested by the beautiful love of my life).